Monthly Archives: January 2016

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Managing Self Esteem

A long time ago my teacher, Pia Mellody, taught me a mantra I want to share.

“I am precious and valuable. I am enough and I matter. Even if…”

As shown in the stellar research work,“Daring Greatly” by  Brene Brown, all of us suffer from the fear of not being enough.  I used to think it was my private plaguing thought.  A cruel task master that had me constantly, anxiously, striving.  I would do something as innocent as baking a cake, enjoy a few moments of satisfaction and then my demon voice would point out the flaws.  Nothing was safe from her critical eye, especially around high-stake issues like where to live, who to marry, which job to persue.  From childhood to adulthood this voice ran my brain.

But through Pia and Brene I learned that we are greater than our thoughts, our feelings or our actions.  That it is actually my job to control my brain.  Just because thoughts come into my brain does not make them valid.

Over the years I’ve learned of four ego fears we all share:

  1.  I am not enough.
  2. There is not enough.
  3. I will be rejected.
  4. I have to control and dominate to be safe.

If we do not manage our egoic brain, we may easily and effortlessly let one or more of these fears run our lives.

But with “I am enough,” as an active internal mantra, I learned that I could direct my brain into better thinking. That thinking helped my mind and body relax. Instead of losing energy criticizing myself, I could invigorate myself.  I did not have to take things personally. I could breathe more easily.

It was a major step in managing my self esteem.

Try it.

You will like it.

You will feel better.

Your life will get better.

You too are precious and valuable. You too are enough and you matter.

Even if…..

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The Power of Breath

Of the number of things I do not like, and am constantly working on, is the agitated surge of negative or critical or judgmental thoughts that can grab hold of my mouth and pollute the air around me, soiling the relational connection of the person I am with.

When that burn fires up my belly and rises toward my gullet, I have to take action or suffer the consequences.   I will definitely have emotional/relational clean-up work to do.

I have been working on breathing through those surges while actively telling my mind, “Do not listen to this charged litany.”  My body is in distress and needs my full attention. It is contracting and constricting my vital life energy. It is time to bring back the breath of life to my body, which needs the loving care of focused breathing: four breaths in, four breaths out.

My left brain thinks I am under attack.  That fighting words are the way out.  I have to stop. A big stop hand. Nope. You don’t get my attention. My body does.

Amazingly, when I use focused breathing, my body relaxes and the tenor of my thoughts shifts. A sigh escapes my lips.

I dodge a potential moment of damage, just by breathing.

Try it . It works.

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Kicking and Screaming into Surrender 2:

 

I am working on trusting the universe. It came in the form of my family. First there was grief for missing fresh powder skiing on New Year’s Day when the slopes are sparkly white and lightly peppered with colorful bobbing beings due to the majority of snow bums sleeping off their New Year’s Eve hangovers.  BUT, my husband eased my distress by suggesting a vision board date with our son and his wife.

Vision Board-1

A vision board is a pictorial representation of what one would like to manifest in the coming year. New Year’s Day was the only day M & L could join us. Voila! A precious date with three of my favorite people, (well, 3 ¾ people: L is 37 weeks pregnant today!)

We gathered magazines, scissors, glue, glitter, ribbons and poster boards. We had an event. The day dawned crispy cold, our bird bath frozen over. The ocean stretched blue as far as the eye could see. I breathed into the pleasure of life showing up on life’s terms and relaxed into it.  We called in the creations of 2016.

Last year, embedded in M’s vision board, was “planting seeds.” No baby on either of their boards but that desire was definitely made manifest! Wishing you a “Sweet 16!”